Catching Up

I've changed the route I originally had for this blog. As I stated day one, there will be good days and there will be bad days... and there will be multiple days that I just don't sit down in front of my computer. Sorry I'm not sorry :P So now instead of trying to do 100 consecutive days of things that made me smile (which I got to like, what? 4?) I'm just going to share 100 things that make me smile as they occur, or after I have a collection of them, as I do today. Not saying that I don't smile every day, because I'm sure I do, but I enjoy sharing pictures. Here's a few from the past few weeks. Im going to start at #13 judging from my past posts.

13.

 Wine and Ice Cream...need I say more?
14.

 HOMEMADE Applesauce from fresh picked apples. My dad is the original chef, but for the first time ever, he shared his secrets so my sister, her kids, and I could spend a night together :)
15.

 Colorful sunrises start my day on a good note <3
16.

 Year old Wedding cake & Celebrating with family <3
17.

 Little Guppy Flag Football. They ALL want to be QB. Run, Corbin, RUN!
18.

 HOMEMADE Chicken Noodle Soup. I attempted a recipe that I really miss of my mom's... just wasn't the same.
19.

 Couldn't help but smile at this... After a nice dinner, Matt and I met my dad and stepmom out for drinks. After a few, my dad challenges Matt to a video hunt. I love that they get along so well. They are scarily alike. <3
20.

 Another sunset :)
21.

Crawling in with light hearted, funny reads :)

Day 6- Quarry Lake at Harrington Beach State Park

After a long day of work (and a little snoozer) I jumped on my bike to go explore Harrington Beach State Park for the first time ever. It was so pretty on this beautiful first day of fall.These are pics from Quarry Lake. Pictures just don't do this kind of stuff justice. New happy place <3

Day 5

Today was a better day. Gotta admit, I was in a terrible funk yesterday. Here's what made me smile today:
1. It was a beautifully sunny day. No good trying to work out indoors so I went for a walk when I got home.
2. I passed a couple on my walk; smiled and said "hello";  she responded with "wow, you look so happy!" Made me think about what I could possibly look so happy about, but none the less, I realized that smiles really are contagious and I think we spread eachothers' :)
3. Made a 4 legged furry friend on my walk. Cute gold kitty pranced right up to me and I gave it some love, but broke my heart that I had to try to ditch it as it attempted to follow me home.
4. Got a card in the mail from my bestest friend, Sarah. She makes me smile. So does non-bill related snail mail
5. I got home and made dinner for Matt. It turned out pretty well, and in return, he did dishes <3

Days 2 & 3

I warned you that it would be difficult for me to stick with something like this and post on a daily basis. I partly blame it on my inability to post from my phone, and I RARELY sit at home. So, this will be a work in progress. I'll catch you up.
Thursday was a rough day as you may have heard. Then I had the day off on Friday which isn't really a good coping mechanism for me. I'm the type that would rather go to work and not deal with my emotional roller coasters. Needless to say, Friday was kind of a mopey day for me. I did manage to make it out of our apartment and head to the library, but only because my books were overdue. Friday was a beautiful sunny day...but in the words of Piglet (I believe), it was more of a WINDSday than a Friday. I could hardly sit outside and enjoy the sunshine, but when the stars came out, thats where I found my reassurance that everything was going to be alright. I could never move to the city. I love the stars and wish I could capture them in a picture, but it would never do the view justice. I got to say goodnight to my mom and Bucky (those especially sparkly stars) in the night sky.
Saturday was an interesting day. Woke up to a text from a friend that I'd have a free Badger football ticket if I could make it to the game...which would start in 2.5 hours... and to Madison is a 2 hour drive. Im not the spontaneous type but of course I did it. I'd never been to a Badger game before, and I rarely get to see Liz. It was pretty cool. Didn't even mind the slight rain. We shared a yellow poncho and 'Jumped Around' together like Siamese twins. Yesterday made me thankful for lasting friendships. I've learned through the years that its not the quantity but the quality of the people you keep close to you.
Today, I stayed in bed extra long to cuddle with my Love. Its not often that we get to do that. I'm pretty thankful for him. Now, he will do football, and I will do family; another part of life that many take for granted and I have learned to cherish through thick and thin.  I love spending time with my family. We're off to Harvest Fest in Cedarburg. Maybe I'll have more to share afterwards.

Day 1

Well Folks, today was really bad day to start this journey...its as if I jinxed myself. It was one of those days at work where I knew I would need a bottle of wine (or 6) when I got home by 8am...and was in tears by 830. It was actually foreshadowed in a dream I had last night during another rough night of sleep; kinda creepy.  I came home and hit up the tub of ice cream in our freezer...no bowl necessary. Luckily I didn't take down any wine at all, because after my little ice cream coma I fell into on the couch, I got a really bad phone call. My little brother called me saying I needed to come quickly. Our 14 year old husky/golden had taken a turn for the worst and it wasn't looking good. Of course I jumped off the couch and hurried straight there. Bucky had hidden himself away behind the wood pile in our back yard. His breathing was shallow, his eyes sunken, and clearly suffering. We called every vet clinic in a 20 mile radius and beyond to see if anyone did house calls. No such luck. We ended up rolling him onto a sheet and carrying him up the hill to the garage and into the back of the truck for a trip to the vet; knowing in the back of our minds, our Bucky was probably not going to return with us. As a family we agreed to end his suffering. We could tell he just wasn't the same spunky pup lately and we hated seeing him in pain. Us kids held his paws and scratched his ears as the sparkle left his eyes. No dog will ever take the place of Buck. He was one of a kind.
Anyhow, there has to be a little good in every day. No pictures to share on day 1 but I do have a lot to be thankful for. 1. The wonderful ladies I work with that helped me out so greatly today and helped me keep myself together. You're all amazing, and I'm lucky to have such great co-workers. 2. Im thankful for my health, and the health of my loved ones. Working in the setting I do, you pick up on a lot of aspects of life that you may have taken for granted in the past. Lastly, Im thankful for 14 irreplaceable years of memories with our pup, Buck. No other dog will ever fill his paw prints on our hearts. I hope he is hitting up mom for some PB as I know she probably has a pretty good stash up there worth sharing with him. Love you both. Actually 2 more things Im grateful for this evening, a hot shower and a warm comfy bed.  Good night all. Hopefully tomorrow will bring a brighter day.

Prologue

Tomorrow marks 100 days without my mom. My self conscious personality screams at me that some of you may be really sick of hearing my PSAs over mental health issues and suicide awareness, but then I remind myself of that silly little quote by none other than Dr. Seuss... "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." Actually, my other half, Matt, reminded me of this. If anything, my goal is to prevent anyone I know, or can reach, from experiencing the hurt, regret, and what-ifs that my family has been through.  Through this roller coaster of a summer, I've learned that there will be good days and there will be bad days, it's ok to cry (and still laugh), and that my mom made 3 hell-a strong children. Also, its more true than ever that you don't know how much you'll miss someone until they're gone.  I've started taking more notice of the simple things in life that make me grateful, close my eyes and say a little prayer of thanks, and whisper "Hi, Mom!". The purpose of this new blog is for me to share those little things with everyone, and I encourage everyone else to do the same. There's no need to make it public as I am, but just stop and smell the roses. In this crazy world we live in, you turn on the news and hear nothing but negativity, and the public is more likely to spread bad news and reviews than share the good. My purpose here is to turn that trend around and take notice of the simple, natural beauty that can be found in every day life.

PS: Be prepared to see lots of pictures of the sky and hear stories of patients I care for at work, as those are the places I've recovered my smile most often. Also, I've never stuck to anything good for me consistently for more than a week... so my ultimate goal would be 100 days of smiles... but as I live each day...it will be one day at a time.

Thanks for checking me out.
Love,
Sam